Our tiny apartment overs looks a quiet square and is in a chic neighbourhood, but it's also the size of my mum's bedroom in our home in Singapore. Yes, the WHOLE apartment including bedroom, bathroom, living room and mini-kitchenette could fit into my mother's bedroom.
This part of the city is very pretty with a lot of Haussman style architecture, fountains, narrow cobblestone streets...like Paris but more laid back. And because it's Spring, all the trees and flowers are starting to bloom, truly gorgeous with blue skies and the buildings brushed with golden sunlight.
Amidst all this beauty, I feel lost. Ok maybe I'm being a drama mama, cos it's been barely a week since I left home, but I feel a bit sad and anxious cos I know that this is how it's gonna be, what's coming.....starting a new life in a new place, and most of the time, by myself. (Naturally, JF is at work all day so I'm left to my own devices). We are going to move almost immediately after the 2nd wedding in June. Probably to Istanbul.
I miss my family, I miss my friends (mostly Wee Keong) I miss my dog. I miss knowing where everything is.
A new life is very exciting - the new sights, sounds, smells and food!! But is also a bit daunting. Cos every little thing is a challenge. Simple things like getting food and water, and getting people to understand you. (Yes, I can get the message across, but my French isn't exactly precise or elegant. I must sound like a Primary One kid. Like the other day, I told my mother-in-law that I put the SALTY towels in the washing machine! The word for dirty is "sale" (pronounced "sahl") and salty is "salé" (pronounced "sah-lay"). She must have been wondering how I got them salty in the first place!)
Yesterday I walked around for an hour looking for a boulangerie (bread shop) or supermarket to buy lunch but couldn't find any. So in the end I had a salad at a cafe..it was so awful.....a mysterious spongy, cold piece of meat pretending to be chicken and a bunch of leaves tossed in a mustardy sauce. Worst of all it cost 9 EUROS! I could have had 6 plates of chicken rice for that!
It's kinda funny that we are living in Presquile now. Lyon is situated at the confluence of 2 rivers - the Rhone and the Saone. And Presquile is on a little islet EXACTLY in between the 2 rivers, with the Rhone on the right and the Saone on the left. My life right now is also at a confluence, don't exactly know where it's headed but know that it's changing fast and is a bit unstable at the moment. JF and I discussed this and he says that for us to feel secure, we need to hang on to "rocks". Just like when we're diving. If there's a strong current underwater, you grab onto a rock and hang on to rest until you regain your strength to swim on.
I guess it all boils down to the feeling of not having a home. Just being in transit all the time. Funny, you would think that living in Scotland previously, this would be a breeze for me. But somehow it feels different this time. Maybe it's the language thing. Maybe cos I was younger and more eager last time. Ah the invincibility of youth! Wish I could've bottled it and sprinkle it when needed, cos I need it now.
1 comment:
Culture shock... Always surprising how it can hit you. First few days you feel wonderful and excited, then slowly the dread sets in. If the change is indefinite, it can last for 6-12 months. However, if you get through that, everything will be fun. There is a book that could help too... "Culture Shock: France" (to be honest, I never actually read the France one... But I did read the ones on many other countries, and those were all very useful. It will also be fun, especially if you let JF read it too).
The weird part is, I was hit by a culture shock too, when I moved from Rochester to San Mateo. You'd think: two cities in the same country, how different can they be? So did I. But it turns out there are enough differences to make you feel incredibly insecure.
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