Living out of focus

In the past week, I've been plotting my escape from the land of magandas.
See, my Turkish is improving and I've learnt this very useful word which describes, oh about 90% of Turks encountered so far.
I'll leave U to Google it.

I need to go home for a while to recharge, regain my sanity, think about what I want to do, hug my parents, play with my dog.

In the last week, I met some expat women and signed up for the IWI...International Women of Istanbul.
Some think it's a tai tai's association for bored rich housewives with a car, driver and young kids in tow.
(All of which I don't have.)
Others like me just want to be able to have a conversation with another human being without using hand signs and feeling frustrated.
Christy, a perky blonde American who's the membership secretary, asked me if I wanted to organise some events or outings to attract a younger crowd. Sure why not. Tennis, golf and playing bridge sure ain't my cup of tea.

It's Ramadan, but strangely here in the Bull, people seem to be stuffing their faces more than ever.
Restaurants are more packed, day or night. In supermarkets, frenzied shoppers are grabbing food off the aisles.
And oh yes, the smoking continues.

I just can't understand the general mentality.
Everything's mixed up, upside down, and often downright stupid.

Case in point:

Last Thursday, my Filipina cleaning lady Rosie was taking a bus home. It was about 5pm, bus was full. 20 minutes into the journey, the bus suddenly swerves, rams into a car, skids to the side of the road and flips on its side. The driver of the car was seriously hurt. Passengers are screaming and crying.
What does the bus driver do? A MUNICIPAL (read government) employee.
He crawls out of the bus, AND RUNS AWAY.
Doesn't try to help. Doesn't call for an ambulance. Just RUNS AWAY.

Like HELLO, you are employed by the government, your bosses know you're driving THIS bus on THIS route and you RUN AWAY from the scene of an accident?
And where's the personal sense of responsiblity?

In the past months, people having been telling me, "celebrate the cultural differences", accept, adapt.
Well, no matter how hard I try, I can't celebrate idiocy. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The late, great Bukowski speaks for me.

Be Kind by Charles Bukowski

we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is.

Smudge

Ever had a moment when someone expresses EXACTLY what you feel?


It’s difficult to turn back into a rainbow when you’re bathing in ink. - Maarten

Fatigue: inflicting pain on the body so that the mind will be tricked that it is not hurting. - Hansel



Love you both.

Broken teacups

Random thought of the day:

How to save a marriage. Have a fling with the young Richard Gere lookalike who's there sipping his latte, waiting for you.

------------------------

A decade ago, I learnt to be cruel. In a way I never thought I could be.
Looking back, it was a catharsis that I needed.

My soul's run out of batteries.
Pain keeps the shell shuffling along.
How far can I go, running on empty?
Self...please take over and SAVE ME.


When you break a teacup, if you're careful and keep all the pieces, you can glue it back together again.
But no matter how well you do it, or how much superglue you use, you can still see the cracks.

Humanity

There's something so morbid, humiliating, depressing and so surreal about having to wrap up your own placenta in a plastic cup, cling film and foil.

U feel as though it's a scene right out of a William Burroughs novel.

A flash of a crack whore's nightmare. Almost gory-ly funny in that twisted Tarantino-esque way.

Then you suddenly realise that it's happening to YOU right now in real time. That's a bloody chunk of your own human flesh that you are wrapping up in the middle of your kitchen in the dead of night.

There's nothing worse...except the moment U gawk in horror at the blood covered mass that just came out of you.
Bloody, veiny, spongy......damn it looks like chicken liver. What the fuck is it?!
You call your doctor in a panic. He tells you to bag it for him to examine the next morning.
No matter how many seasons of CSI you've watched, nothing quite prepares you for bagging your own flesh.

Miscarriage. What a fucking stupid euphemism, makes it sound like you took the wrong train.

Everyone tells U it's normal, it's common. It's Nature's way, it's in God's plan.

WELL FUCK THAT.

So what if it happened to a thousand other people?
It's my loss and my pain and it's all new to me.
So DON'T FUCKING TELL ME IT'S NORMAL.

Some days I'm so angry. I want to destroy everything, kill everyone, beat the shit out of people who make me so miserable.

Other days I'm just so tired of fighting. Don't want to try anymore. Just want to fade into the cool darkness of night, stay there, hibernate, hide.

Anxiety lies where peace should prevail.

Requiem

On my birthday two days ago, I lost my baby.

It was 8 weeks old.

I had some slight bleeding on Monday, so on Tuesday on my birthday I went to the Gynae.
He could not find a heartbeat.

Yesterday we checked again, and he confirmed our baby is dead.

JF and I are devastated.

Everything has been incredibly difficult since we came to this country.
And now this.......I feel like someone just punched me in the face.

Don't know what to do. Tomorrow I will have an operation under GA to remove the baby.
I'm scared.

To quote Hansel, my dear friend from his blog...."There is still the daylight to overcome."

3rd day of the 8th moon

Spoke to Mummy yesterday and she said its my Chinese birthday today, 3rd day of the 8th moon.

Felt so sad that I'm not home in Singapore, cos my parents esp my Dad always makes my birthday so special.
He cooks his famous chilli crab for me :) I'll really miss my family on the 18th.

Well the movers FINALLY came yesterday and all our stuff has arrived although some things were broken or missing. We haven't turned on the electronic equipment yet, so let's hope n pray for the best.

But the most UNBELIEVABLE thing of all was that the truck driver CRACKED the compound wall!!
INCREDIBLY F****** STOOOOOOPID! He backed his truck INTO the wall and cracked it!
The compound manager came over and made huge fuss.

Well if they are going to make us pay for it we'll definitely sue the movers!!!
HOW F******* stupid can they get.
Oh wait but then we are in Turkey....and I've been told by more than one person that this is typical Turkish behaviour.
Not thinking, irresponsible, quite often stupid.

When can I leave when can I leave when can I leave?!?!!??!!??!?!?!??

Hope to escape to London to see JF's brother's family next month.

Every opportunity I can get I want to be outta here!!

The Incredible No Show

It is now 5.30pm.

We were SUPPOSED to move today. Guess what? They didn't show AGAIN!

Big surprise there. Good ole Turkish reliability for you.

We waited the whole damn day.

At 4pm they called to say they have "loaded the truck but customs won't let big trucks on the roads between 4-6pm"
So they can't come.

They MUST HAVE KNOWN this beforehand seeing that this is not their first moving job!
WTF!????????????????????????????????????

Someone please give me a loaded gun for my birthday.

Get a MOVE ON aptals!!

Ok so now they tell us they can move our container into our new place tomorrow....fingers crossed.


Judging by the way things have been going, I hope they:

1. Show up
2. Don 't break anything
3. Actually UNPACK our furniture liked they are SUPPOSED to and not dump it in the flat.
(One of JF's colleagues who also moved here from Singapore got his PCs...all not working. Another had stuff broken.)

Got lights installed......workmen did a pretty lousy job and left gaping holes in the ceiling.
One of the lights is falling away from the ceiling leaving a bigger and bigger gap each passing day.
Just wonder when it will come crashing down.
Have called them to come today to re-fix, but guess what? NEVER SHOWED UP.

What's more my Mac monitor has suddenly decided to kaput on me.

I SWEAR THE SWAY-NESS OF THE COUNTRY is UNBELIEVABLE (as I told Dawn...who incidentally just entered Blogsphere :) Hooray! Her blog is linked on the sidebar.)
Nothing but sway crap has happened since we got to this country.
Maybe it's aura/energy is 100% incompatible with mine.

Lets see what the pendejos come up with tomorrow.

Our baby has a heart!! And we're still homeless

Saw our baby's heart for the 1st time yesterday and was very excited! So cute. Yes baby is still a bean for now. And yes we are still homeless after 62 days in this wretched country.

Sorry everyone for the long hiatus. No this blog is not dead and gone....just temporarily interrupted due to our many moving problems (2 months on we are STILL HOMELESS and have changed hotel for the 5th TIME thanks to they very reliable Turkish efficiency....yes U can count on them NOT TO SHOW UP or GET THINGS DONE even when U PAY THEM or book ahead) and the ridiculously slow & unreliable Internet connections in this 3rd World country. YES, after living here for 2 months I really do believe Turkey is a 3rd World country NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

The mentality, actions and behaviour of the people are 3rd world. I have come to see why (but STILL DO NOT ACCEPT) why they are out to cheat us, scam us all the time just to make money. Why they don't give a damn about service, don't bother to do things, just make empty promises to get your money first. They don't care because they are desperate. They want to take U for all you've got to escape their own dire situation.

Most Turks and even some foreigners kid themselves into thinking that this country may be 1st or even 2nd world, but they must be blind or have their eyes closed when they walk on the streets.

Just stroll outside the main tourist and business areas of Istanbul and U will clearly see how people live in such squalor. Even 5 star hotels in the tourist part of town suffer from water and electricity cuts from time to time which they have no control over. Go outside the city and you'll see how shockingly undeveloped the rest of the country is. Definitely 3rd World.
How they can even dare to say they are European or want to join the EU.....beyond my comprehension.

I spoke to a German lady livıng here and she had this to say:

As with big cities in 3rd World countries, Istanbul is full of people that have no roots any more. People from all over the country move to the metropolis to try to escape the poverty and their bad situation elsewhere. So they trample on each other and everyone else to get to the top of the heap. This makes people act strange and do things that seem to be rude, unpolite,uncivilised. They are desperate and they have nothing to lose. Many are not intelligent enough or simply don't have the resources to change their situation. It is hard for me to accept the strangeness of people and the terrible things they do. Civilisation here is a very thin skin. The slightest thing happens, and the skin tears.

Hearing her say that to me was like an illumination. Suddenly it all became so clear why all these bad things are happening to us here, why they people are the way they are. They are a pack of wolves among other wolves and we're the fresh meat. So they scramble to get every scrap they can. What's more some do it under the cloak of religion and those are the WORST of all. Religion should never be used as an excuse for personal inadequacy.

Well I'll be damned if I'm not going to fight it all the way!!!

I recently read this quote....interesting and food for thought:

To criticize a person for their race is manifestly irrational but to criticize their religion, that is a right. That is a freedom. The freedom to criticize ideas, any ideas - even if they are sincerely held beliefs - is one of the fundamental freedoms of society. A law which attempts to say you can criticize and ridicule ideas as long as they are not religious ideas is a very peculiar law indeed.

-Rowan Atkinson

Jihad Tomatoes

Yes JF and I are so excited. Right now we've named him/her Pepin, which means seed or bean in French ;p Pepin la Boule.

But I have to confess my mind is not at ease at all.
I try to find positive things, but it feels like every fibre and molecule of my being is rebelling against this place.
If I took a snapshot of my mind, it would probably look like Edvard Munch's goulish painting.
Yes...SCRREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

It doesn't help that people seem to be out to scam us all the time.

From the real estate agent who when asked basic questions like "What are the monthly maintence fees for the flat?" replies, "It's not my job, Don't ask me." And then harasses us to sign a blank lease without any fittings or fixures listed. (BTW over here WE are the ones paying the 12% commission and NOT the property owner. In spite of this fact, he doesn't give 2 shits about finding out basic info for us.) WTF!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

To the fish place that tried to charge us 80YTL (about SGD$92) for ONE miserable 1kg fish when we agreed on 50 YTL before ordering, paid a 20YTL deposit ONE DAY IN ADVANCE AND waited 1 hour 30 minutes for.

Tell me, how not to get pissed off and depressed?

Recently I met a Singaporean Malay lady who has been living here for 17 years. (She married then divorced a Turk) She's the ONLY Singaporean I know of here so far. She told me that most ppl here, especially landlords don't give a shit about the tenant, they just want to "take your money, and trample on you."

Water and electricity cuts are looming everyday. When they first came into effect in the capital, Ankara 2 weeks ago, the mayor publicly announced that "people should go on a holiday to save water." All the local papers were outraged by this comment especially when they discovered that this mayor was told THREE YEARS AGO of the looming water shortage but did nothing about it.

The upcoming presidential election is also big news here. The ruling party have chosen and backed Abdullah Gul, the guy who announced his candidacy in April which then resulted in mass demonstrations by the Turks and worldwide press coverage. He withdrew his candidacy back then after much pressure, but now he's back in the sadle and announced that he won't back down. The millitary here is strongly secularist and wary of him because he is seen as an Islamist. Hmmm.....I doubt a coup here will be as peaceful & fun as they are in Thailand, with people selling spring rolls and cold drinks to demonstraters and handing flowers to soldiers.

Lately, about twice a day I've been hearing this truck pass by with a loud hailer, some angry-sounding guy shouting away, calling for jihad for all I know. (Maybe it's just the language that sounds angry.) So I look out the window, and turns out he's selling potatoes and tomatoes by the truck load. Wow. The karang guni man's comical beeping horn sounds so much friendlier in comparison and doesn't make me fear for my life. It seems like funny misconception, but just adds to make me feel distrubed living here.

Watch this space...

Yes we're happy excited nervous gan cheong! Just found out. Still in a daze. All cos of this little black dot. :)

Ok so half my planned activities go out the window. But hey I read that Dallas Howard did her own stunts in Spiderman 3 while in her first trimester. So paragliding should be ok huh? :) He he.

And in case you're still wondering, no we don't have a place to live yet, and no I still don't like Turkey.

GET FACEBOOK NOW! (then add me ;)

I've been a little (ok, A LOT) obsessed with Facebook over the last week!!

WOW U get to bite people, turn them into Vampires, play with vibrating hamsters, send growing plants and receive fish! (THANKS FOR THE 3 cute starfish Melissa!!! At least now I don't look like a saddo for sending myself 2 fish ;) Hehe.

And it's ALL YOUR FAULT MEEEEEEEENA!! Nyah nyah nyah! ;p Hee hee, no actually thanks Mel! It's fun, love it! HUGS.

Again, I'm not the speediest person when it comes to blogging, YouTube, MySpace, Facebook etc.
So some of you may think...whaaat? Facebook is like SO OLD. Where have U been Dawn?

Anyways, even though I got a Facebook account some time back, I never used it cos, well, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW. Dumb right?
DOH! (Has anyone watched the Simpson Movie? Me, not yet)

Sometime last week, Melina sent me an email (and some lovely pix from the wedding in France!) to cheer me up cos I'm having a hard time here. She mentioned FACEBOOK and searching for me there, and how it's so useful for finding long lost friends, classmates etc.

So I decide to revive my Facebook account and started getting addicted to it!
I used it to search for my friends and also found an Expats in Turkey forum (cos I'm just dying to converse with ANYONE in English without having to use hand signals!).

So ALL OF YOU READING THIS, JOIN FACEBOOK NOW and add me :) My nick there is BLUSH.
Promise I'll bite U!
And please please please send me things for my aquarium.
(U can stroke my hamster too....I've named him Milton and he's darn cute and vibrates)

Other than that, I decided to tweak my strategy for finding stuff to do here to keep me from going INSANE.
Joined another expat forum and postwhored myself there, got lots of replies about stuff to do.
If all goes as I hope, I might be able to:

1. Volunteer at an orphange/ Little Sisters of the Poor/ homeless dog shelter
(bearing in mind that I may probably have to spend a fortune on taxi fare since I don't drive here)

2. Sing, Act, dance, prance in kids theatre (they do shows for charity) That's if the Director doesn't think I'm pants.

3. Write a comprehensive English guidebook to Istanbul for newcomers
(There is a great French guide done by the French community here, but NONE in English...not as detailed and comprehensive anyway) U gotta LURVE the French for adding "Good places for Brunch" and "Chocolatiers and Patissieries" under the "ESSENTIALS" heading. Muahahahahahah! Vive la Froggies ;)
All proceeds of their guide goes to charity. So I thought I can do the same. With help from the BBC for all the local contacts. (Oh forgot to add that I'm planning to join a women's group which I, in Dawnspeak, christen the Bored B*****S Club. Hehehe. Go figure THAT one out.

4. Start paragliding lessons. Found a guy on the expat forum who does that every weekend and he told me there's a school.
They go to some ulu place about 130km from Istanbul. Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE jumping out of planes, off tall structures, so hey....jumping off a cliff and flying sounds like a lotta fun too! (Knowing the huge KLUTZ that I am though, high chance I may trip on a rock and hurtle face first into a cactus patch)

Anyone done paragliding before? SHARE SHARE TELL ME ALL. I want to know.

5. Try Ulimate Frisbee! Stumbled upon a Ultimate Frisbee group on the forum. They play 3 times a week and seems like a lot of young American college students studying here. Ok, so I haven't a CLUE what Ulitmate is, and nevermind that I'm proabably 10 YEARS older than the average player in that group, but they said we're welcome to join them anytime to play. Should be fun.. Frisbee = running, jumping, catching, throwing. Dawn = pathetic hand-eye co-ordination, stands there n WAITS for the tennis ball/shuttlecock/frisbee to come TO HER, gets doinked on the head by said item.

More later, right now I'm gonna make a sandwhich for lunch with Aunty Maude's delicious life-saving HARE BEE HIAM! (Half pack left...alamak.....gabra....finish how?)

NEWS from Home & BLATANT BDAY WISH LIST

Last night must have been one of the worst nights EVER since we got to Istanbul.

I was so upset I just bawled my eyes out non-stop. I feel depressed and frustrated, and cry everyday.

After an already depressing day, JF comes home and tells me that his dumbass company HR is giving us ANOTHER majorly raw deal. WTF?!??!? Have they not royally screwed us enough already?

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH CLEARASIL!!!!!! THESE F*****G problems keep popping up everyday like a bad pimple outbreak!!!

Sigh, so I start trawling the net for Singapore news to cheer myself up a bit.
I discovered that the Mr Brown and Mr Miyagi blogs are GREAT reads!! Funny, poignant and on the pulse with current affairs. (Ok call me SLOW, I was never into reading blogs before. But yes, I DO know that these two are hugely popular in Singapore blogsphere.)

Reading those blogs, I find out about the news I've been missing like:

Recently, the Prime Minister's son, 2nd LT Lee Hong Yi, stuck his neck out to expose a fellow national serviceman (possibly the son of another big shot) who went AWOL twice and unpunished.
Instead of consulting his immediate superior (as they are taught in the army), 2nd LT Lee directly emailed all the MINDEF big guns to complain about this. SUBSEQUENTLY, his email (which contained the indentity of the AWOL guy) leaked on to the Net, and there was a lot of chatter in local forums.

Interestingly, the identity of the AWOL soldier is protected throughout the whole episode, while the Prime Minister's son was publicly reprimanded by the SAF for "insubordination and not respecting the chain of command". Woah...that must have put the government spin doctors in a tizzy. Apparently as soon as the press got wind of it, all traces of discussion about the original email were deleted from forum threads.

From what I gather, the way the Singapore press covered this incident focused on the "insubordination" of the Prime Minister's son. Whereas, the real issue here is, why did a soldier go AWOL...twice...and was unpunished? Is it because of who, or rather, whose son he is? Why is his identity protected?

On a lighter note, Singapore blogsphere is also abuzz (or rather laughing it's ass off!!) at the on-going XIAXUE vs STEVEN LIM feud. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! It's made me laff SO HARD. Watch this and you'll see what I mean:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=riBS5cURFRI

Ok, now when I'm mad at anyone, I'll just scream "You are a BIG CHICKEN PIE!!" MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Here's another interesting blog nugget from Mr Miyagi:



Mr Miyagi writes:
"If you’ve ever wondered if Singapore was really such a hi-tech connected country with hi-tech connected people, wonder no further.

On the Emerald Hill Group’s website’s “Work for us” section, there are openings for ‘Cleaners’ to work at their various outlets on Emerald Hill. So confident are they that people who usually seek employment as cleaners would have internet access and have the nous to look up job openings online."


SOB SOB SOB!!!! It makes me miss Singapore even more. The damn Internet connection over here is SO DODGY, slow, and keeps dropping. Don't even talk about Wi-Fi. Yeah it's available, but it DOESN'T WORK. Most hotels here will proudly claim that they have Wi-Fi. But it DOESN'T BLOODY WORK! The signal strength is SO LOW that you can't even open a webpage.

So right now I'm using a cable stuck into my Mac. And guess what? The connection STILL drops. Not very funny when U are on a Skype phone call!

Anyway, to put my mind onto happier thoughts, here's what I want for my BIRTHDAY.
(Yah not shy one! I'm BLATANTLY putting the list here so U guys can SEND ME PRESSIES!! hahahah. Ask my brother to pick it up from U cos JF's colleague is coming over from Singapore in August)

1. A packet of SEA MONKEYS!!!!
(Mark and I had these as kids and I loved them. I was HEARTBROKEN when I found out that we can't get a dog here. :( The owner of the flat we hope to rent doesn't allow them.)

2. Bee Cheng Hiang CHILLI BAK KWA

3. CHILLI TAPIOCA (loads of it!)

4. A magic carpet to bring me home (Air tickets also welcome!)

5. DVDs of Heroes, Ugly Betty, Little Britain, Absolute Power

6. GOOD BOOKS TO READ!

7. Any other gorgeous, beautiful, smashingly lovely PRESSIES U want to send me!

MUAKS :)

GENIUS SANS LOGIC?

Your IQ Is 150

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Hey I never claimed to be logical! No wonder I once stupidly put 2 DVDs in the player AT THE SAME TIME and JAMMED the whole thing. DUH.

I'm usually swayed by passions....love it or hate it...vehemently! Hahaha this is so funny!
I'm just surprised that I can do Math. Usually, I'm pants at it!

Thanks for this Melissa!!! I MISS U!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOYS!

Happy Birthday Hubby! Happy Birthday Wee Keong!

It just so happens that my best friend and hubby share the same birthday :)
Kismet, destiny, fluke, call it what U may, I'm blessed to have them both in my life :)



3 years ago,
on a breezy October night
little did I know
that my heart would be set alight
i met this froggy
who wasn't keen on doggies
but all that changed
when we fell in love
he's mad about me
and my sweet Bloss Bloss too
he's my love so true
who makes me smile when I'm blue
on his birthday today
i just want to say
I LOVE U MORE THAN CHOCOLATE & CHEESE!
hee hee....love u Munky!




a long time ago,
i was miss bossy boots
and you, a shy gawky nerd
yet somehow we became the best of friends
in 13 years we've seen each other through
thickening waistlines and thinning bank accounts
headaches and heartbreaks
endless plates of sushi, hair embellished dim sum and the art of the devil(!)
now that I'm miles away and missing you a lot
remember keong, we'll always have Bangkok!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY and may you strike the next big TOTO!

On Being Gay in Disneyland

“We should recognise many paths to success and many ways to be Singaporean. We must give people a second chance. Ours must be an open and inclusive Singapore……..We've got to support Singaporeans being spontaneous, being unconventional. We should not put obstacles in their way. We should help them to succeed. “

- Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, National Day Rally Speech, 2004.

Here I am in a foreign country thousands of miles away from home. Over the last 2 weeks, I felt really proud and lucky to be a Singaporean. I proudly tell people how everything's so darn efficient, fast, clean etc in Singapore compared to just about anywhere else on the planet. Everything looks good and runs well, like an expensive Swiss watch.

We have clean air, can drink water right from the tap, a very good public transport system, good roads, services are always accessible - mostly within walking distance, and we can enjoy meals in public without being subjected to someone else secondhand smoke. There's always a new cafe, bar or restaurant opening, lots going on in the evenings & weekends, beautiful parks and nature reserves where JF and I frequently go for walks. Efficient banks & medical services, in schools kids are given laptops to do their homework. There's free WI-FI practically everywhere.

IN SHORT, EVERYTHING WORKS.

THAT IS, IF you don't happen to fall outside the designated boundaries set by the powers that be.

In recent years, since we got our new Prime Minister Lee in 2004, he suggested that those boundaries may be expanded to become more "inclusive". Ok so we're building a giant casino, bars can now stay open all night and ex-cons have become the heroes of a TV and Print "Yellow Ribbon Campaign" encouraging the public to "give them a second chance."

Today I found out that a friend, a bright young university graduate, has been forced to resign from his (non-combat) job at the Ministry of Defence because they found out that he was gay. Earlier this year, there were also reports that a trainee teacher was also asked to resign because he was gay.

When I hear things like this, I am so ashamed to be Singaporean.

In his now famous WIRED article (1993), writer William Gibson describes Singapore as "Disneyland with a death penalty".

There is no slack in Singapore. Meaning if you are slow or different, there isn't a place for you. How far will "more inclusive" go? We can only hope for the best, and in our usual ant-like manner, pretend go about our merry way in the perfect little colony.

WHATEVER!

What a great attitude! HAHAH I love this! From now on, this shall be my answer to all the crap and shitty stuff I'm facing in Istanbul. WHATEVER! Speak to the hand! THANX WENDY!

Headscarves & stripper heels. Something's not right

The settling in pains are still continuing and in fact getting worse. I'm trying so hard to see the positive side of things, but I just don't see any upside. It just seems like one battle after another.

Maarten said something in his last comment which is so acurate......Usually when U move to a new place, you experience all the initial joy and excitement of discovery...THEN MUCH LATER, the culture shock and unpleasantness hits.

But this time for me in Istanbul, I felt NO initial joy or excitement. I still haven't found ONE SINGLE THING that I REALLY LIKE about this city. Sure, I'm experiencing new things, but not in a pleasant way!!!!!! Everyday I just wake up and think......"F***, LET'S JUST GET ON WITH IT."

I don't feel comfortable here. There's something about this place, the culture, the food that just doesn't sit right with me. Can't put my finger on it, it just doesn't feel right and I don't feel completely at ease. I don't feel threatened or endangered, but I'm not happy either.

Maybe it's because of what I call the "Turkish Paradox", that's how I think of it anyway. Lots of other writers have written about it, but here's my own impression. Turkey wants to be seen as a modern, cosmopolitan, secular nation, embracing diversity, civil liberties etc. That image seems quite right if you stroll down the Istikal Caddesi, the main high street in the modern Istanbul. Bright lights, cafes, book & music chain stores, the universal high street brands, coffee and burger chains, neo Goths, emo kids, students in low-slung denims and Converse, chain smoking, having a beer and chattering away.

At the same time, you realise that there's like 20 men to 1 woman on the street. (Where are all the women?) And that it's common to see girls wearing headscarves and fully covered from head to toe, arms, legs everything.

BUT

you suddenly realise that although they're covered, their clothes are super clingy (e.g. a tiny miniskirt over black leggings, a long-sleeved turtle neck under a tight camisole top and a headscarf) and they're wearing 4-inch platform wedges or stripper heels. WHAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF THAT? I just don't get it. I thought that the whole point of the Muslim religion asking women to cover up is so that they don't "incite lustful thoughts in men." So I just don't understand 4-inch heels and tight clothes with headscarves!

The Lonely Planet Turkey guide sums it up this way:

"Modern Turks will assure you that theirs is a very cosmopolitan country, an impression that can just about be sustained if you stick to the main tourist areas. However when it comes to permanent inhabitants, the picture looks very different. The shortage of restaurants selling anything other than local and "daringly" European food SPEAKS VOLUMES FOR THIS LACK OF DIVERSITY."

Now, normally I'd say that travel guides tend to exaggerate and what they say should be taken with a pinch of salt. But that comment is BANG ON ACCURATE.

1. I hate the local food. I've been giving it a chance and trying different things but it still SUX.
(How's this for variety? 1 big modern food court in a big modern mall, 20 different food stalls....ALL SELLING THE EXACT SAME THINGS - kebaps, kofte, lemachun, pide... repeated again and again.) Cosmopolitan and diverse? I think NOT.


2. No matter where I go, I am assaulted at least once a day by the acrid pong of CIGARETTE SMOKE & B.O (ESPECIALLY evident in any enclosed space...which is just about everywhere.) So much so that I have taken to eating at weird times just to AVOID sitting near other people. E.g I figured that if I eat lunch at 3 or 4pm the food places will be EMPTIER, increasing my chances of sitting at a table far far away from other people.


3. The local ice cream is RUBBERY.
JF and I had a rude shock when we bought some Turkish ice cream on Sunday. It was so THICK & RUBBERY. You could drop it and it would bounce. NOT KIDDING. DITTO for the cheesecake. For the first time in my life, I took one lick of ice cream, one forkfull of cheesecake and left the rest untouched. Yes it was THAT AWFUL.

4. Finding and moving into a flat is a nightmare. Another rude shock - ALL THE FLATS FOR RENT here come TOTALLY EMPTY. And I mean EMPTY!!!!!
NOT EVEN ONE light (just wires hanging from the ceiling), NO CURTAIN RAILS or Curtains, No applicances, not even a stove, oven or washing machine or fridge, NO CLOSETS AT ALL, not even one chair or bedframe. NOTHING.
All the flats are like this, brand new flats or smelly old flats with paint peeling and warped doors, ALL HAVE NOTHING IN IT. NADA.
We just calculated that it will cost about 5000 EUROS just to get whichever flat we rent into LIVE-IN condition. Just BASIC stuff and no deco. What's more, applicances and furniture are twice the price here than in Singapore!!!!!
DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT.
I asked the relocation agent why the rental flats are all like this and she said it's because Turkish people are taboo about using other people's things. They don't even want used lights or curtain rails!
When they move into a rented place, they usually even RENOVATE IT. IMAGINE THAT!!!
Spending thousands of dollars renovating a place that is not even yours and you have to give it back someday.


5. IT IS A F****** DAMN DIFFICULT task JUST to get a SIM card WORKING in your mobile phone!!! ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
First of all, before I came, I did my research and read that the government requires all foreign mobiles to be registered AT THE AIRPORT upon arrival at Customs IN THE PASSPORT of the mobile phone owner if he/she wants to use it long term in Turkey. Original Proof of Purchase (i.e. purchase receipt of mobile phone) required. IF you don't do this, your phone gets cut off in 3 weeks. PAIN in the ASS but fine OK.
I emailed the relocation agent about it, she said no need. Old rule.

THEN when we got here I buy a Turkish Turkcell SIM card, put it into my phone and IT DOESN'T WORK. FlyingF******Fish! Ok nevermind. The relocation agent tries to help me and we run around looking for a Turkcell shop that can register foreign phone. When we FINALLY FIND one, we are told that the rules have changed AGAIN. The government NO LONGER ALLOWS foreign mobiles to be registered for use with foreign passports. AND U can only register a foreign mobile with a Turkish passport IF YOU PROVE that you travel overseas often.

In the bloody friggin end of it all, I had to buy a new TURKISH phone. Phones are so damn bloody expensive here, even more expensive than France and the UK. I got an older NOKIA model which doesn't even have Bluetooth and it was 270 YTL which is SGD$340!!!!!!! For an OLD MODEL!


SIGH. I hope that things will change for the better very soon and I will find some positive aspects of living here. Right now it just seems like an endless battle to get things done. Mummy shared something with me today when I was pouring out all my worries and frustrations over the phone. She said,"BELIEVE." JF's birthday is on Saturday and the Turkish elections are on Sunday. Hope all goes well. Where are my magic red ruby slippers? There's no place like home.

Welcome to IT'SDAMNBULL

It seems like an eternity since we left Changi Airport, when in fact it's just been 6 days. It has been A LOOOONNNNNG week for me here in Istanbul. It's been so trying.

Wanted to post this earlier, but the Internet connection in the hotel is terrible and sustains for about 1 minute. It's supposed to be wi-fi, but the connection drops all the time.

Apart from Mummy, Daddy, Mark n Wendy, Dor Ee, Mel & Sasha, Betty Ee, Zer & Leonard came to see us off.

Dor Ee was super duper sweet and made us 2 big boxes full of her famous walnut brownies for the 13-hour plane journey. (We had to stop for 1 hour in Dubai). We are still saving the last 2 browines today with immense gratitude and appreciation. Mainly because the Turkish food here SUX BIG TIME!!!!! It tastes NOTHING like the Turkish food in SG, UK or Australia. Will go into detail later.

I almost wanted to cry at the airport saying goodbye to everyone, especially Daddy, who looked so sad. Held back my tears because I knew it would distress him even more if I cried. Last minute before we went in, he hurriedly pressed his old rosary into my palm. Later I discovered that Mummy had also slipped something into my bag without me knowing - 3 little wallet-sized cards with cute pictures and phrases like "God is with you! Expect a Miracle". I like stuff like that...little notes etc. It makes me feel loved.

JF left for Paris on on Wednesday and I've been on my own, house hunting with the relocation agent. It's not been a walk in the park. There's enough material there for a whole other post, which I'll do later.

Here's what I've experienced & observed in Istanbul so far. If you are Turkish or love all things Turkish, U may want to stop reading here cos some of it may be offensive to Turks. (BTW apparently U can get thrown in jail here for insulting "Turkishness".....the govt here has taken its own Turkish citizens to court over this....writers, political cartoonists.)

1. I discovered that I really dislike Turkish food here. IT SUX. FYI it tastes nothing like Turkish food I've tasted in other countries, even UK where there are Kebab shops at every corner. The local food here consists mainly of:
- Dry and smelly meat. (I hate lamb & mutton...even the beef here has a bad smell) And that seems to be present in EVERY MEAT DISH
- Sour sauces on vegetables
- Flat bread

(No wonder Vim warned me. She and her hubby, both Muslims visited Turkey and they HATED the food here even though they really enjoy Turkish food in Singapore.)

In short, the food smells like it has B.O. NOT KIDDING. To my utter dismay, I had so-called seafood spaghetti at a cafe the other day and it smelt like B.O. SOUR LAMB to be exact. BLEAH. Maybe they cooked it in lamb fat.

2. Surprisingly, although Istanbul is right next to the sea (The Bosphorous, Sea of Marmaray etc) IT IS SO DAMN HARD TO FIND FRESH FISH. On every menu, everywhere, meat meat meat but no fish. The relocation agent even told me not to order fish if it's not a specialised FISH restaurant because high chance that the fish will be off.
This is a rude shock for me coming from Singapore where $3 can get U fresh sliced fish soup in every hawker centre or food court.

3. Have not seen any markets. Before coming here I thought there might be abundant fresh food markets bursting with fresh veggies, fruits, fish etc. Well, NADA, NONE so far. Just some sad looking minimarts.

4. Sad to say this but my nose has discovered that quite a number of people here have bad B.O. From the taxi driver who took us from the airport to hotel, to shopkeepers, to people squashed up against me in the METRO. I want to FAINT!!!!! It's probably not a hygeine issue because I read that Turkish people are fastidious about cleanliness. I think it's mainly because of the FOOD. If U eat B.O smelling food everyday at every meal, U can't help but smell bad.
TO ADD TO THE ALREADY BAD B.O, unfortunately a lot of guys here seem to favour OVERPOWERING COLOGNE. So imagine bad B.O mixed with strong perfume. CAN DIE.

5. Everyone here (Men, Women, Grannies, Hip Chicks, Teens) smokes smokes smokes, in aircon places, in food places, in the metro station, EVERY DAMN WHERE.
I think that will be a big problem if I'm pregnant here....all that second hand smoke!!


6. MAJOR MAJOR LANGUAGE PROBLEM. I don't speak Turkish, they don't speak English. As a tourist, it's fine and U can get away with one or 2 weeks of sign language and smiles. But TYRING TO SETTLE here is a nightmare. I went to check out home applicances yesterday and everything from the buttons to the the instruction manual is in Turkish.
Of course I will take Turkish lessons once we are settled, but it seems SO HARD. I don't know how to describe what it sounds like. It's not even like Arabic. JUST ROJAK.

7. You can't drink water from the tap. The Turks themselves don't even drink it or make ice from it.

8. Every place U go, from the metro station to shopping centres, there are security scanners (just like at the airport where U walk through a scanner and put your bag in the X-ray) It's a bit unnerving.....For me it's a constant reminder that I'M LIVING NEAR THE MIDDLE EAST. Ok technically that's not 100% correct because part of Istanbul is on the European continent. But still, this country is neighbours with Syria, Iran and Iraq. Not to mention all the unhappy Kurdish separatists.
On the plus side, people seem to be quite friendly and ready to help.

OK this post seems like one long RANT. But I'm feeling very alone, depressed, worried, anxious. JF is not even here.

I miss my family and my cuzzins.....and I miss Blossom so much. Coming home and seeing her happily wagging her tail and jumping up and down really cheers me up.

More house hunting today. Oh yah this seems silly, but it's kinda part of my happiness barometer.......the shoes and bags here are VERY UGLY and QUITE EXPENSIVE. Sigh. THAT'S Depressing. In France and UK they were expensive but at least they were beautiful and there was a wide range. Here, all the shops seem to have the same ugly shoes in the same colours. Even the most unfashionable auntie or tacky Ah Lian in Singapore won't be caught dead it them.

:(

The Cuzzins Nite Out @ Brewerkz

Went out with my lovely cuzzies on Wed nite to have a last send-off bash at Brewerkz, this restaurant that brews its own beer/ ale/ pilsner/ whathaveyou. I don't like beer, but they do great GIANT burgers there!

We took like a gazillion photos and asked Melissa aka MelSteph to be the official blogger for the nite. (Aiyah coz Zer n I are lazy old farts who are a bit jurassic about blogging. e.g I tried to get a tag board and it FAILED MISERABLY. Didn't appear. HELP!)

So read all about our nite of meaty malty madness HERE:

http://ricecaked.livejournal.com/

(Under the Jul 5th entry HUHHHH? WHAAAAT?)

Check out the Super Gross video of Nennerd and a piece of tissue paper. Bet it will make the You Tube Top 10 one day!

Pix courtesy of MelSteph


Doesn't Jeanette (bottom right pic) make a very convincing vampire? Attack those bangers girl!

In other breaking news today, I've added my friend HAL's blog to my Links. Do go read it and support him if you can - he has decided to run and has strarted to train for a CHARITY MARATHON in Florence, Italy this November. He is doing the marathon to raise money for the SAN FRANCISCO AIDS FOUNDATION.

I couldn't believe it at first...Hal? Run a marathon??? NO WAY! This is a man who loves food, shopping and comfort as much as I do! (We once polished off 32 plates of dum sum between the 2 of us.) His gym shoes were probably still sitting in his closet brand new with the tags still on.....since 1995.

SO WAY TO GO HAL! I'm so proud of you for doing this! I know U will succeed!

Recipe for the Perfect Chocolate Fondue

Step 1
Have a superlovely cousin-in-law like Zerline who brings the goodies AND prepares everything!


Step 2
Find out that you have to SHARE your marshmallows


Step 3
Dig in like there's no tomorrow. Nevermind if you drip on everyone else's fingers.


Step 4
Prove that you can out-eat the oldies!


Step 5
Treat your spouse to a nice anti-oxidant facial. If said spouse is hesitant, hold him down and get Betty Ee to help you!


Step 6
Model the latest skincare range - cheaper than Creme de la Mer and tastier too!


Step 7
Kiss your lovely wife who made this all possible...awwww...


Step 8
Flaunt your lustrous crop of nose hair, Bugs Bunny teeth and one big eye


OR

Prove that you can join the Russian Ballet


Step 9
Tag team with your sister and take your father hostage to trim his eyebrows with a menacingly big pair of shears


Step 10
Surround yourself with people you LURVE

The 3500 km Wedding Road trip

Just back from France and off to Turkey next week. Guess what? We decided to buy a chateau! Nice yah?



Lord and Lady Chassin's chateau bedroom. Complete with antique chandeliers and 17th century paintings.



I always said the man who buys me a castle would sweep me off my feet. Ummm....maybe in the next lifetime or when we win the Lottery!

So here I am in limbo again...back in Singapore waiting, waiting to leave in a few days. Somewhat disconcerting to have no shell to settle in. Wee Keong is in now Madrid, Mark and Wendy somewhere is Spain as well, Rita Ee and Uncle Pat in Holland (I think!) and Mel & Kris back in Aberdeen.

Our France trip was really something else! On the road almost everyday with my family and BFF in tow in rising summer temperatures. Lots of hilarious moments (like when we got lost driving on the narrow one-way streets behind the walls of old Avignon) and ones where tempers flared too (ditto Avignon!). But at the end of the day, we all sat down to a good dinner and had a great a laugh about it. Boy did I get a month long lesson on family dynamics!!

Lots of special memories for sure and the wedding was enjoyable. Wedding dinner food was FANTASTIC, everyone said so. To be honest I had a lot more fun at our Singapore wedding. I just put it down to a totally different wedding experience. The French wedding felt like one big party for JF's mum. Maybe cos most of the invitees were her friends and apart from 1 or 2 couples, I had no idea who they all were.

Anyhoo, I was really happy that my family was there to REPRESENT! THANKS and BIG KISSES to Mel & Kris for making it there for the weekend!! Love U guys! Also BIG HUGS to JF's friends Samuel and Constance and their son (JF's godson) Theophile. They took a 4-hour train ride all the way from Paris just so they could be in Brive for our 45 minute church ceremony and then take the train back to Paris immediately after that again because the couldn't stay for the night. MERCI! On est tres touche.

A funny wedding moment - After the church ceremony, Rita Ee quickly hopped into the car and did an amazing quick change act! She was wearing an amazingly beautiful cocktail dress. It was SO GLAM and I loved it. I mean WEDDINGS ARE SUPPOSED to be GLAM right?? That's the whole point! (Apparently SOME people failed to realise this and turned up wearing sneakers and flip flops!)

Rita Ee felt so "paiseh" bcos the French guests were not as glamourously dressed, so she changed into a "lesser" dress. Though I think it's just as gorgeous.

The Lee Family contingent (Chek Lye and Aunty Maude were wandering around somewhere, Wee Keong was taking the pic)
From left to right: Uncle Pat, Melina, The Bride, Mummy, Kristian, Rita Ee, Daddy, Wendy & Mark,



Daddy escorting two lovely ladies down the aisle in chruch



With my real brother Markie



With my other brother and BFF Wee Keong



No wedding is complete without kiddies (or ducklings as Wee Keong calls them) scampering around! These are JF's cousins' kids - Pierre, brothers Paul and Martin, Remy in the center and the captivating little blonde Julie, who serenaded us with her cover of La Vie en Rose during the dinner!



My chic Mum



With Hugues parents, Joel and Annie Martel. They were so thoughtful to ask Hugues to send them Ang Pow packets so they could give us Ang Pows, which are a traditional Chinese wedding gift. MERCI!



Aunty Maude and Carla - Isn't she a babe in that cute lil pink cheongsam Aunty Maude got for her?



Champagne, champagne for everyone! Aunty Maude and JF's mum, Madeleine getting sozzled!



Us looking on in horror at our choux mountain...errr...wedding cake.

Funny thing is, the first time I went to a French wedding, it was Hugues sister's wedding. During then, the wait staff spent like 15 mins fiddling behind a screen as the DJ built excitement with increasingly loud music. (Think Final Countdown by 80's rocker band Europe!) Suddenly, the screens were flung open and there was this huge mountain of choux with fireworks sizzling away!!! I found it so amusing I laughed myself to tears then. GUESS IT CAME BACK AND BIT ME IN THE ASS COS THE SAME THING essentially occurred during our French wedding! Cake and fireworks anyone?!? Must be a French wedding throwback from the 80's or something.
I HAVE to say tho, the little custard filled, treacle covered choux were damn DELICIOUS!



With Jacques and Christiane Rogie, dear friends of JF's mum. Such a sweet and caring couple! The minute they heard we were getting married, they immediately booked their air tickets to Singapore to be with us for our Singapore wedding. Unfortunately, Jacques fell very ill at the end of Feb and the couldn't come. But we were so happy to see them at our wedding in France.



Around midnight, we all gathered outdoors to light and float our Thai wish lanterns. We got these in Bangkok. These rice paper lanterns are traditionally used during festivals in Northern Thailand. They work much like hot air balloons - lit at the base and released, bringing wishes of the people who float them up to the heavens. Here's a lovely pic of Melina and Kristian floating one. (Taken by William, JF's soon-to-be cousin-in-law who's a damn good lensman)

The next day, the local papers reported sightings of UFOs around the ulu French countryside. Irate farmers were quoted saying their free-range cows were so startled by the UFOs that they produced purple milk. Umm...yes...imagine that...hehe.



The Lovebirds



Ooooh....in case I forget, I've put our SINGAPORE WEDDING photos here in case any of you wanna see:

http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=9wfuk6d3.6oqrmo0j&x=0&y=-heg0dn

More about the trip and photos coming soon!

Bonjour France encore!

PHEW! At last, most of my packing for Turkey is done, the Helping Hand guys came today and moved all my stuff from my parents place to the flat. WHAT A RELIEF. I didn't think I'd make it on time.

I'm such a horder! I can't bear to throw away sentimental stuff like cards, photos and letters. I even have bus tickets from 1982. While I was sorting through all my junk, I found old diaries, photos, love letters etc......it brought back a lot of memories and laughs. The "Autograph Book" I had from Primary 6 was a laugh! Also, it was so funny to read all my angst-ridden teenage diaries again.

Mummy & Me



One of my most treasured possessions from my childhood are letters from the Tooth Fairy (aka my Mum. But of course but I didn't know it at the time!). Reading them always makes me cry. It reminds me of all the love, hope and dreams she has for me.

The old love letters....well, they're something else altogether. They serve as postcards to myself from another time, making me realise how I've grown emotionally over the years. Honestly, I wouldn't have been ready for JF if we met years ago. It's like in pottery, when you shape and mould the clay, you even out the lumps, cut off & throw away the scraps, sculpt until U finally get something you're pretty happy with. Next you fire it to make it strong. To quote John Mayer on his "Love Song For No One", "This is a song about talking to the person you haven't even met yet. Maybe they're rollin around in the hay with someone else, but they're not as good as you'll be. You just gotta wait your turn. He's out there, She's out there, they're just learning what to contrast you against."

Tonight we leave for France, and altho I'm down with flu, combined with sneezing fits due to all the dust from packing, I'M SO EXCITED TO SHOW MY PARENTS & WEE KEONG France! WOOHOO! :) We're doing a 3 week long road trip covering Paris, Burgundy, Lyon, Provence - Avignon & Aix - Lourdes, Brive, Bordeaux & Angouleme.

I want to show my Dad all the hundreds of different types of smelly cheeses and make his head spin with gorgeous wines and rock bottom prices (compared to Singapore, wine in France is cheap cheap cheap). I want to let my Mum eat all the nutty chocolates and different jams, fruits and breads. I want Wee Keong to stuff himself silly on macaroons and shout with joy at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

For me, I can't wait to see JF again cos he's been gone a week and I miss him. Going back to Lourdes and Provence will bring back so many memories for me...but this time with JF, we'll create new ones :)

Coconut Kong Kong

Our dearest Kong Kong is in hospital again because he is bleeding profusely when he goes to the toilet. He missed my wedding because he had the same problem the last time, and the time before, it was his heart. I'm worried cos we're leaving for France on Monday and Rita Ee n Dor Ee will be away too. I'm praying that he'll recover very quickly.

Luckily he was in good spirits when we visited him last night and today. He was being cheeky and was devising a way to sneak in beer for his "guests"!



"We can hide beer in the fridge then throw the cans away outside the room. The nurse won't know." Ever the thoughtful gent, he was thinking of how to be a good host, even when lying in a hospital bed with a tube stuck up his arm.

Other Kong Kong quips:

Nurse: You're here because you have a bad heart.

Kong Kong: No! My heart is good! It's just weak.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rita Ee: Daddy, do you know why you're in hospital? U must tell us as soon as U see blood when U go to the toilet.

Kong Kong: But I'm a boy! Only girls have period.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~**~*~~*~*~*~*~*~

It's truly a blessing to have such a good sense of humour when you're 85! I guess these moments of wit and lucidity is God's way of reassuring us that the Kong Kong we love so much is still there even though he has the onset of Alzheimer's.

I noticed the strangest thing when I was in his room....there was a picture of a coconut tree hanging above his bed! Right next to the IV bag. A rather sad-looking bendy tree, my mum pointed out.



BIZARRE. My mum couldn't contain her curiousity and went searching for a nurse to question. We found out it was a "code" for hospital staff to be aware that this patient is prone to falling. EH?! Didn't they already write that on his chart? Does that mean that some hospital staff CAN'T READ? Hmmmm......ponderous. I wonder what their icon is for incontinence.

Last Saturday, Zerline & Leonard (or Nennerd as he is popularly known) invited us cuzzins over to his house for dinner. We had such a great time and it reminded me how lucky I am to have such a close, loving family. And because we're all genetically strange in one or more ways (even the ones who married in! See photos of JF and Zerline below for proof!) topics of conversation ranged from worst food hygiene experiences (Nennerd won hands down - he bit into a piece of chicken from a prata stall, and there were MAGGOTS wriggling inside!!), to the best way to clean your derriere after doing a dump! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Dor Ee, STOP BUYING 4-ply toilet paper!!! U ARE CLOGGING THE SEWERS!!

Me n my cuzzins n our Kong Kong!



Betty Ee demonstrates how to kill "kachuak" (cockroaches) the old-fashioned way. Nennerd claims it's how she got him to pass his Chinese exams all those years ago.



Nothing stands between the ZerMonster and her chocolate fondue!



JF as a child



JF last Sunday



Cuzzins again with Barney's goooooooood twin, Puff the Magic Dragon. (No we DIDN'T lah! Melissa & Melanie are minors!) But we do look rather spacey don't we? Peace n Love as JF says!

Off with her head!

I did it. I chopped off my luscious long, curly locks today.

Mainly because:
1. I didn't think they were so luscious anymore. The dry climate in France wreaked havoc and reduced my $950 hair-do to a mess of tangled hay. It literally hurt when I washed my hair.
2. I was fed up and needed a change. (in more ways than one...a woman never chops off her hair "just for the heck of it")
3. Hair will always grow back.
4. I really wanted to shave my head on July 1st in support of the cancer charity.

My hair sensei Shunji-san was supportive, and did a fab job (as always). So that was my happy thing for the day. I've never walked out of his salon feeling unhappy with his work. You don't get to be Cindy Crawford and Donna Karan's personal hairstylist by being crap.

My packing is not going well (I hate packing!). In a week, I leave for France. In a month I leave for Turkey for the next 3 years. Snails have it good. They simply get up n glide along when they need to move to another country with everything already nicely packed on their backs.

As if my anxiety level is not already high enough, at the moment, the MIL is being a pain in the ass..again. Sigh.
And this is the only place I can rant about it. So bear with me.

I guess all MILs will be so at some point in time, no matter how hard the DIL tries to please. Cos they're just wired like that - subconciously, subversively suspicious and displeased, programmed to drive DILs up the wall every now and then. It's been happening since time immemorial. Case in point: decades ago, one of my aunts was so damn mad and frustrated at the MIL that she splashed bottles of nail polish all across the MIL's bedspread. Jackson Pollock's ghost smiled on approvingly.

Note to self: If I ever do become a MIL one someday, I promise I'll try to behave and not be a biatch.

Today I spent 5 hours trying to lay out pages in PowerPoint. Which is quite pathetic considering there were only 7 pages to lay out into a booklet for our French wedding mass. Something I didn't really think was necessary in the first place, but it was just sprung on me last minute by the MIL, ONE WEEK before I leave for FRANCE!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGH. Multiple Hokkien expletives exploding in brain.

But it would make the husband happy, so I did it.

Anyways, it took 5 damn frustrating hours because:
1. All the text kept running whenever I edited something.
2. Text boxes kept disappearing.
3. Mystery symbols and widget like items appeared when I did printouts n I couldn't figure out where the hell they came from.
4. I'm absolute pants at PowerPoint.

At the end of it all, the MIL was still not satisfied. The printers were kind and super efficient (I love Singapore!!) enough to rush out the covers and deliver them to my house WITHIN 4 hours. But guess what? In spite of all this effort, I'm still WAITING for the MIL's final approval before I can proceed to print, photocopy and bind the booklets.

In times like these, I repeat to myself, "I love my husband. I love my husband" all Dorothy-like. (When she closes her eyes, clicks her heels and chants "There's no place like home. There's no place like home", wishing to be transported far far away from the land where she killed the big bad witch and back to Kansas.) If only a bucket of water did the trick for me too.

FedEx a Tank right to your doorstep

Looking at a map, I suddenly had this thought about moving to Turkey.

We will be living next door to........IRAQ!!!! Just over the border. Not to mention IRAN and SYRIA.
Yes, those countries U constantly see on the news with fighting, guns, bombs, beheadings and refugees filling up your screen.



Never in all my life, have I lived so close to the "axis of evil" as Dubya so ironically says. The man who is ignoramusly unaware that he is the single, greatest WMD that America will ever face.

So what better way for a kiasu Singaporean to "BE PREPARED!" (as the Civil Defence Force constantly reminds us) than to buy a TANK off the internet. Imagine me zipping around Istanbul in a TANK. It'll be a HOOT! Judging from what I've read about the traffic and drivers in that city, I may very well need one.

Yup yup, U can BUY A TANK on Amazon.com and have it FedEx'd right to your doorstop! It's going for a trifle US$20,000. Check it out. Budding dictators and revolutionaries all over the world must be thrilled, especially with the FLAME THROWER option (which is unfortunately not available if you live in California, Arizona or New Mexico, but U can still have the land torpedo loaders). Mwaahahahahahaha! I'm laughing so hard now my tummy hurts!



It's name is even funnier! The JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

This nifty vehicle:

- Carries cargo or a crew of up to five internally or on the roof.
- Is piloted from within the armored shell or from an exposed standing position through the hatch.
- Fitted with troop benches and LAND TORPEDO LOADERS
- 6hp Tecumseh gasoline engine, top speed 40 mph.
- Includes head/tail and turn signal lights, trim and underbody lighting.
- 400 watt premium sound with PA system, plush interior, and external camera
- Can be fitted with an optional flame thrower, DVD player, GPS and other customisations

WOW. Talk about Pimp My Ride Gone Wild.
BEST OF ALL, U can put this tank on a Bridal Registry. How bloody funny is that?!!?
Ooh yessssss, I want my very own BADONKADONK. WITH flame thrower please...very useful for BBQs.
Hint hint hint, my birthday is in September!

Read the reviews here...they are a SCREAM!

http://www.amazon.com/JL421-Badonkadonk-Land-Cruiser-Tank/dp/B00067F1CE/ref=pd_sbs_gf_1/102-0452450-0392923?ie=UTF8&qid=1179898693&sr=8-1

(BTW can ANYONE teach me how to write the HTML so I can make URLs clickable links??)

And even funnier....the "Customers who viewed this item also viewed..." section
They include:
- 1 Gallon Tuscan whole milk
- Fresh Whole Rabbit at US$29.95 but doesn't look very fresh




Who knew you could buy a Tank, Whole Rabbit and a Gallon of Milk all on Amazon?! Long live Jeff Bezos! The day he figures out how to ship piping hot, fresh A1 curry puffs to me anywhere in the world, I will kiss his feet.

P/S: Looking again at the tank photo, I have this sneaky feeling I've seen it before. YES! It looks like one of the desert thingys in RETURN OF THE JEDI. (U know, the one with Jabba the Hut, where Princess Leia wears this kinky metallic bra n panty get-up??) Guess the designers of the BADONKADONK are major Star Wars geekazoids. But OH DEAR, since I recognised the design, that makes me one too. ;p

Is this still Dawn?

Yesterday evening I got a text from a number which I didn't recognise. It was a Singapore mobile number.

It read: "Hi is this still Dawn?"

I had absolutely no idea who it was, so I msgd back "Yes it is. Who r u?"

And the reply came:

"This is someone from a long time ago. I'm not sure if i can use the word, but we used to be good friends once upon a time. This is someone who never really forgot u (or ur phone number!) and someone who is still sorry he hurt you and never had the guts to face you after. In the years that have passed i dunno how many people have hurt u but if we have any remnants of a connection then you will know who this is."

GOSH. Heavy stuff. I thought it sounded like the start of a short film. I still hadn't a clue who this person was! So I replied that I had no idea and I was leaving Singapore in 2 weeks anyway.

He replied, "Hmmm...just in the nick of time to say a proper goodbye... :) We love music and travelling. We also love Paulo Coelho and Nick Bantock...and i am going for mass soon. Surely that must be enough?"

It was him.

The person who all those years ago ripped my heart out and flushed it down the toilet, bit by bit over a long period of time. And I was the dumb-ass monkey who was in love with him while my relationship with Ian was drawing it's dying breaths.

If my memory serves me well, the essence of my last communication with him was essentially along the lines of "****off and die and don't even try to talk to me again. Ever."

So why him? Why now? WTF!??!? I replied saying I knew who he was, and asked him if he had just read Paulo's new book, The Witch of Portobello, which I just finished reading. I wondered if this was the catalyst that made him get in touch. We both loved and were inspired by Paulo Coelho's work, and often discussed his ideas at length.

He replied,"Nope I didn't read it Dawn. You and your number just flashed across my mind while on my way home. I dunno why the compulsion to contact you was stronger than ever today."

I didn't know what to feel. My heart was beating fast, but I felt no anger, no hate, no sadness, no joy. Just numbness, and maybe nostalgia. I wondered why. This was someone with whom I once had a very close, intense relationship. Yet now, when he pops up out of nowhere, all I felt was numb. Like having 36 flavours of ice-cream placed in front of you, but you just stare, not even wanting to lift the spoon or take a lick.

In the next few SMSes he asked me how I was, what I've been doing etc and I told him about work, how I found my Personal Legend (a concept which Paulo Coelho wrote about, and something he and I always said we'd fulfil) in writing, that I got married and am moving to Turkey.

For some strange reason, I didn't ask him about his life. I didn't feel the need to, although I was curious.

So what next? Do I even want a next? Our messaging ended at: "Be well Dawn. And I'm sorry it took so long for me to touch base."

Paulo Coelho often writes that he doesn't believe in coincidences. He believes that things all happen as part of our journey to help us fulfil our Personal Legend. Signs along the way.

In the car with JF later, we were driving home and I was telling him about what happened. I turned the radio on and a Kenny Loggins song was playing. What are the chances of that? Kenny Loggins songs are not exactly on heavy rotation these days. I was a bit spooked. "He" hero-worshipped Kenny Loggins and we used to listen to his music together all the time.

They say time heals all wounds. I say it brings with it indifference and questions all at once.

The answer is....

For those waiting with baited breath...or just gave up.

The answer to Melanie's riddle is:

STOP IMAGINING.


Like.....DOH!!!! as Homer would say!

Geddit geddit? It began with "Imagine you are in.......

IK(D)EA

I just got back from IKEA and I HAD to post this:



OK call me suaku, but I never noticed it before! (Bearing in mind that this was only my 2nd visit EVER to IKEA Tampines.)
What a brilliant idea! On top of the usual hadicapped parking spaces, this IKEA store had reserved parking lots for families with young babies/kids travelling with a pram. WOW COOL! I wonder if this is also done elsewhere in the world. Does anyone know?

Hmmm....I'm not a Mum yet but already thinking like one...oh dear. Any Mum with a young child will tell you, (and I've seen this happen with my friends) that most parking lots in Singapore are tightly crammed so close to one another that you barely have space to open the door wide enough to put in the baby car seat or pram. The worst of these being the carpark at ISETAN SCOTTS. (My Dad says the people who design carparks in Singapore obviously don't drive cos they don't know how wide the average car is!!)

Usually parents have to drive the car out of the lot to be able to open the doors wide enough to load it with those things. Another great thing which surprised me was that parking was FREE. You'll be hard pressed to find FREE parking 7 days a week at any other commerical location in Singapore. (Even the IKEA outlet in Alexandra Road charges for parking.) Probably because this IKEA outlet in Tampines was located in the middle of nowhere, together with Giant and Courts.

So WELL DONE IKEA! I think more malls should have such family-friendly lots. Another discovery at IKEA today - They've stopped giving out free plastic bags! Many customers didn't know this and were complaining at the till, but in France however, I discovered that this practice was very common in many supermarket chains. You just have to bring your own bag to carry your groceries home. Which is how I ended up with diswashing liquid, pesto sauce and a can of beans in my handbag one day....I didn't know they didn't give plastic bags!!!

(French women, being ever so chic of course, have these cool, hip-looking large trolley bags with wheels which they use for all their grocery shopping. No, these are not the frumpy, ugly type you see homeless people or rickety old grannies wheel about in movies. These French women had trolley bags which looked STYLISH. The nicest ones I've seen look like a cross between a Hermes Birkin bag and expensive wallpaper.)

Anyways, back to IKEA and their new NO PLASTIC BAGS policy. I'm all for it because I think we use WAY too many plastic bags here in Singapore. But I just don't think IKEA has put enough thought into their new policy. First of all, most of the customers I saw were caught by surprise and were unhappy. IKEA could have posted these signs about their new policy at the entrance and throughout the store or even take out a print ad in the main daily broadsheet, Straits Times. (I dunno if they did cos I've been away, but judging by the reactions, not many customers knew about the new "no plastic bag" policy.)

Secondly, plastic bags WERE still available, and at a mere 10 cents for the regular-sized bag, and 20 cents (I think, or 50 cents) for the extra large one. Most of the people I saw paid for the plastic bags anyway. What is 10 cents to the average Singaporean shopper? Which makes me question IKEA's motives. They are STILL handing out as many plastic bags cos people are buying them. How does this help the environment? Just that now, they're collecting revenue from the sale of what used to be free bags. There was also a sturdier re-useable plastic carrier on sale for $1.20. But NO ONE I saw bought that.

What IKEA could do, is to TOTALLY do away with the thin plastic bags (not even sell them for 50 cents each) and just have the sturdy re-useable carrier available for say, $4-$5. I believe that way, more people will remember to bring their own bag every time they shop there cos it costs much more to buy a carrier bag.

What do you think?